Broken Trust at the BGCT

A few days ago, someone asked me about the “Broken Trust” booklet at the Baptist General Convention of Texas. “Do you think the BGCT has made at least a well-intentioned effort to address clergy sex abuse?” It’s not a simple question: here’s the gist of my answer.

Do I think some of the individuals who sat on the committee that put together that booklet were well-intentioned at the time? Yes.

Do I think the BGCT as an organization is well-intentioned in seeking to effectively address the clergy sex abuse problem? No.

Words are not the best indication of intention. At some point, you have to look at what the organization is actually doing. When I consistently see actions that are more focused on silencing victims than on exposing perpetrators, I conclude that the silencing of victims is indeed exactly what the BGCT intends. If they didn’t intend that, they wouldn’t keep acting in ways that promote that....but they do.

So the answer is “no.” An organization whose deeds show a pattern of silencing victims while leaving perpetrators in pulpits is not an organization that I consider to be “well-intentioned” in addressing clergy sex abuse.

What deeds? Using a hardball lawyer who threatens suit against a victim even while knowing that the victim’s report of abuse is substantiated by another minister...and the child-molesting perpetrator is left in the pulpit. Using a lawyer who repeatedly tries to get victims to sign secrecy contracts saying they’ll never speak of the abuse with anyone other than their therapist....and the child-molesting perpetrators are left in their pulpits. Refusing to provide victims with assistance for counseling unless they sign secrecy agreements....while using BGCT funds to provide counseling for clergy-perpetrators to “restore” them to ministry. Having an “intervention specialist” like Sonny Spurger who repeatedly gives no help when contacted by clergy abuse victims but who refers churches to the BGCT’s hardball lawyer when they need help in handling a victim.

“Well..maybe they don’t know what their lawyer is doing,” you say? They know. I made sure of that because I myself simply couldn’t believe that any Christian organization would tolerate such a hostile response to someone reporting clergy abuse. At my own expense, I flew to Dallas and sat in a room with Jan Daehnert and Sonny Spurger, and I showed them the letter from their attorney threatening recourse against me after I reported my perpetrator. Nothing changed. Not only did their lawyer continue with his hardball tactics against me and with trying to get me to sign a secrecy agreement, but even after my case was done, he continued with similar tactics against others. He didn’t lose any business over how he handled things, and he has been the BGCT’s lawyer for over a decade. I think the only reasonable assumption is that his hardball tactics against victims who report abuse are exactly what the BGCT wants. So the answer is “no.” I do not consider that to be a well-intentioned response to the problem of clergy sex abuse.

“Broken Trust” is broken...and I think it probably was from the beginning. The BGCT never really got behind it. They put together a committee who put some nice words on paper, and that was all the BGCT needed for the sake of appearances. But for the sake of ridding the ranks of perpetrators and caring about victims, it will take more than words on paper.

Prayer of a clergy abuse survivor

Help me
To stitch
The pieces of my life
Into a many-colored quilt
That will cover kids
Against clergy evil.

CB

Sexual Abuse Accomodation Syndrome

Studies estimate that 30 % of people sexually abused as kids NEVER disclose the abuse to anyone, not even in adulthood. So great is the distorted psychological weight of shame and self-blame. When victims do report, they often do so many years after the abuse occurred. If the perpetrator was someone the kid trusted, such as a minister, disclosure of the abuse is even less likely.

Sexual Abuse Accomodation Syndrome is a model that is sometimes used to explain the hindrance to disclosure. It is not a diagnostic tool but rather a clinical tool to assist in putting abuse victim behavior in context. As explained in the 2004 John Jay study, the Syndrome is used in discussing those abused at ages younger than 18. And, contrary to what many might think, a couple studies indicate that older child sex abuse victims may be less likely to disclose than their younger counterparts. Why? Because the younger kids sometimes disclose accidentally, and because the older kids may be better able to "anticipate unsupportive reactions."

Here are the components of Sexual Abuse Accomodation Syndrome: Secrecy (the abuse occurs when the victim and perpetrator are alone, and the perpetrator encourages the victim to maintain secrecy); Helplessness (kids are obedient to adults and will usually obey the perpetrator who encourages secrecy); Entrapment and Accomodation (once the kid is helplessly entrenched in the abusive situation, he or she assumes responsibility for the abuse and begins to dissociate from it); Delayed Disclosure (because the victims who report child sexual abuse often wait long periods of time to disclose, their disclosures are subsequently questioned).

Sound familiar to some of you?

Happy St. Patrick's Day! The Irish endure. So do clergy abuse survivors. Keep on healing and raise heck when you can!

Gutless wonders

Here's an example of the sort of emails I get these days, apparently from men who don't like my speaking out about Baptist clergy sex abuse. This one isn't the worst, but it’s typical.

Of course, almost none give their names. Gutless wonders. If they want to stone me, they should at least take off their hoods and do it with some integrity. This charming little lecture is from wild62mustang@yahoo.com - and my responses are below.

"From what I have read from your web page and Baptist Press, you certainly did represent yourself and SNAP with a vengeance. Your way of expressing yourself just made everyone angry. You do not conduct yourself with dignity and kindness. You are abrasive.

Everyone knows by now that you were a victim of sexual molestation by a Baptist pastor… But nothing is going to help you recover until you can forgive this man….Evidently you feed off that anger and that is what keeps you going each day. (1)

From your writing and decorum (if there was any), you even show anger and hatred toward those who would want to hear from you and, at least, try to help. You parse words and sentences from letters you adamantly stated you didn’t receive…but DID receive. (2)

…You were granted the privilege to address the meeting. But your website still puts you at odds with the very ones from whom you desire assistance and action. Have you ever read the child story..”give a mouse a cookie”? You need to..You are never satisfied with each step..you want more, more, more… RIGHT NOW!!! (3)

You are an angry activist. Have you ever heard ..”you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”? Try it sometime…(4)

…I agree with you that child molestation is awful….Yes, there needs to be a way of warning other churches of this when it has happened….Unfortunately, most SBC churches don’t do background checks and no one can make them do that. (5)

Like I told you before….there is no hierarchy in the SBC. You can’t get that through your head. (6)

…If I had been in that meeting, I would be so angry at you I wouldn’t want to give you the time of day." (7)

1. No amount of my forgiveness will serve to make kids any safer, and I'm content to leave forgiveness in God's hands. It’s actually two things that keep me going: (a) wanting to know that church kids in the future will be safer than I was, and (b) the constant emails from other Baptist abuse survivors whose stories haunt me, who remind me of how pervasive the problem is, and who express gratitude for my speaking out about it.

2. If anyone wants to read something other than the Baptist Press version, here’s a start. And here is SNAP’s actual apology, the SBC’s response letter of 9/29 and SNAP’s letter of 9/26. I think most people could simply compare the tone of SNAP’s 9/26 letter with the tone of the SBC’s 9/29 letter and get a pretty clear picture.

3. At the meeting, I expressed my appreciation for being allowed to speak, but I also made very plain that I was looking for deeds on their part. I have indeed read the children’s story “Give a mouse a cookie.” And what I don’t understand is why every other Baptist parent who has had the privilege of reading that story – or any other story to a kid – doesn’t see the urgency of doing everything possible to protect kids. You’re absolutely right on this point, mustang,….I want more….I want real and effective action to make church kids safer…and yes….I want it RIGHT NOW!!! And furthermore, I won’t apologize for wanting that.

4. Oh yes…I get the “catch more flies with honey” line rather redundantly these days. I wish you guys could come up with some different clichés.

5. The fact that most churches don’t do background checks is more than “unfortunate.” It’s dangerous. But even that is just one small part of what needs to happen. As you rightly recognize, “there needs to be a way of warning other churches” when child molestation has happened.

6. I've heard the "no hierarchy" bit plenty of times from you and plenty of others. But what I just can’t get through my head is how it could ever be possible in any moral world for the ecclesiological legalism of congregational autonomy to preclude effective action to rid the ranks of clergy predators who use spiritual authority to savage the souls and bodies of kids in ways that are unspeakable. Besides, I don’t see how it would violate congregational autonomy if the SBC were to provide congregations with the resource of an objective independent review board.

7. Well, you weren’t at that meeting, mustang. That much is obvious. In any event, your rather ridiculous anger is the least of my concerns.

Ministering requires deeds - so does protecting kids against abuse

Dr. Frank Page, president of the Southern Baptist Convention, tells the Commercial Appeal, "We are committed to protecting our children and ministering to those who have been hurt by abuse."

To minister: to give aid or service / to attend to the wants or needs of others. By definition, "ministering" requires deeds, not merely words. I have seen no "ministering" on the part of the SBC to those hurt by clergy sex abuse.

And as for Dr. Page's suggestion that SNAP should let SBC leaders know about reports of abuse that SNAP receives. Why??? What track record does the SBC have for responsibly dealing with such reports? What did SBC leaders do with the substantiated report they got from me? They wrote that they had no record the man was still in ministry. Yet, I myself found him at a prominent mega-church in Florida. I wrote the SBC a second time. Still no help. Months after my report, the man was delivering a sermon talking from the pulpit about his children's ministry, and not until 15 months later was he finally made to resign....only after I myself took action. Contrary to Dr. Page's words, this doesn't show any genuine effort on the part of the SBC "to prevent our precious children from ever being hurt." What it shows is institutionalized blindness.

Until the SBC shows that it has a legitimate and effective system for independently, objectively and professionally investigating and considering clergy abuse reports, I have no reason to think that any clergy abuse victim would be well-served by talking to any SBC official. I myself wasted way too much time believing that there would be someone at the SBC who would indeed want to take action to prevent other kids from being hurt. I was very, very mistaken in that belief. And for every minute of that mistaken belief, other kids remained at risk. It's not a mistake I'll choose to make again.

Words of my mouth and meditations of my heart

For those of you who know how averse I can be to Bible verses - they were so often used as weapons against me - this will seem out of character. Yet, in recent days, from morning to night, my mind is flooded with a single thought. It is the first thought in my mind on awakening and the last thought before sleeping (on those precious nights when sleep actually arrives). Is it a prayer? I don't know. I don't know if what I do even constitutes prayer. I think it would be more true to simply say that I feel prayerful. It's Psalms 19:14....

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart,
be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."

"Recois favorablement les paroles de ma bouche, et les sentiments de mon coeur, O Eternel, mon rocher et mon liberateur!"

Friends....please keep me in your thoughts, prayers, and/or incantations in the days to come. Thank you.

BGCT: Shame of a sham

Off to Nashville again to try to get the attention of the Southern Baptist Convention's Executive Committee.

I haven’t seen any indication that they actually care about Baptist clergy sex abuse, but in some ways, the SBC’s pure simple coldness is a relief. On this issue, I definitely prefer the SBC to the Baptist General Convention of Texas.

Oh....the so-called moderates there at the BGCT like to think they’re more enlightened than those fundamentalists at the SBC. And the BGCT brags about its booklet “Broken Trust,” which talks about clergy sex abuse. They trot that booklet out whenever the subject comes up and pat themselves on the back for it, as though mere words on paper should be enough. Like the so-called policies in some Catholic dioceses, “it’s a shame of a sham.”

That’s why I prefer the SBC. At least there’s no pretend games there. With the BGCT, that smooth pastoral talk only lulls clergy abuse victims into a further betrayal. If you don’t meekly accept your pastoral pat on the head and move on, they sucker-punch you. And the hit hurts all the worse.

I prefer to get hit with my guard up rather than being sucker-punched.

I’m particularly sour right now since I just talked with a couple more people who were sexually abused as kids by Baptist ministers in Texas and who recently made the sad mistake of trying to get help from Sonny Spurger at the BGCT. They emailed him and phoned him, but they got no help. No help in trying to inform the congregation. No help in getting the perp out of the pulpit. No help with counseling - not even so much as a referral. And one of the victims was particularly distraught. It’s unconscionable that she wasn’t given some assistance. I’m thankful she found some caring people at SNAP, because the so-called good Christians at the BGCT did absolutely nothing.

“Broken Trust” is broken, and probably was from the start. The BGCT itself is broken.

Excuses and Rationalizations

Why do Baptist leaders fail to take action to protect kids against clergy sex abuse? These are the excuses and rationalizations I've heard: (a) They tell themselves "it's not my responsibility"; (b) They recite the trance-inducing mantra of "congregational autonomy"; (c) They act as though if they close their eyes long enough the problem will go away - and it usually does because victims trying to report abuse are pretty easily worn down; and (d) They wash their hands of it by saying they acted consistent with the advice of legal counsel.

Taking any kind of action involves some measure of risk. Will an individual take that risk voluntarily? Too often, the answer is no. It's much easier for an individual to do one of the above - a, b, c or d. But none of those choices serve to make other kids safer, and nor do they help the already-wounded. This is why there must be a system for accountability, so that the system itself will nudge individuals to do the right thing for the protection of others.

The worst of the horror rests not in the individuals who molest and rape kids, because as beastly as their deeds may be, they are the deeds of individuals. The worst of the horror is in an institutionalized system that ALLOWS countless other church and denominational leaders to turn a blind eye. The silent complicity of the many is where the evil really resides.

And for those of you who are pondering d and wondering why the advice of legal counsel isn't a good excuse, let me say this. That seems to be the favorite excuse of leaders at the Baptist General Convention of Texas, and it's an excuse I find particularly repugnant. It's an all-too-easy cop-out of moral responsibility and a way to evade difficult questions. An attorney can advise all manner of things that are within the bounds of the law, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the right thing to do or the best thing to do. Other questions need to be asked. Is it the best course of conduct ethically? Is it morally right? Is the attorney's tactic consistent with the mission of the organization? And perhaps most importantly for this issue, is it the course of action that will best serve to protect other kids? Those are the sorts of questions you might reasonably expect religious leaders to ask, and yet they are the very questions that they shirk.

Blaming the child-victim

In Tennessee, Southern Baptist pastor Vern Daugherty trashed a 14-year-old victim while speaking on behalf of a minister who pled guilty to child molestation charges: "I know that girl...she has caused problems."

She was 14! The guilty child-molesting minister was 28, married and a father to kids of his own. And there were other reported victims: three girls' parents complained about his inappropriate contact with their daughters.

Daugherty's comments reflect a dangerously ignorant attitude. Southern Baptist leaders should not stand silent but should denounce such comments and insist on educational training for any pastor who would give voice to such hateful ignorance.

Office of Ministerial Accountability

In response to one of my comments on the bbcopenforum blog, junk99mail suggested an SBC "Office of Ministerial Accountability and Integrity." Bravo! Great name and a much-needed office. The rest of junk99mail's 1/26/07 remarks are also insightful - so here they are again:
"I am so sorry to hear of the abuse you suffered, and the continual compounding of it by those in SBC leadership who would hide behind the doctrine of local church autonomy as an excuse for not helping prevent abusive ministers from continuing in ministry. I believe in the doctrine of local church autonomy, but I also think part of the intent of it is supposed to be to increase (not decrease) accountability, by ensuring that members and leaders are closely and connected to a local body of believers. So that doctrine is being abused each time it is given as an excuse for not doing the right thing. The autonomous SB churches cooperate to support their seminaries, publishing agencies, missions organizations, public policy organizations, etc. -- so there is no reason at all that a means could not be established to keep track of ministers with a record of abuse, or of any other form of misconduct. It's true that any office or agency set up for this purpose would not be able to prohibit any given local church from hiring someone with a bad record, but at least the information would be accessible to members and churches, as part of a routine background check. Just the opportunity to have the information would be an extremely positive step. SB churches give so much to the Cooperative Program -- I'm sure the safety of congregations, families, and children would be considered by SB church members to be well worth the relatively minimal funds it would take to establish a denominational "Office of Ministerial Accountability and Integrity." I got the impression from one of your posts that you have communicated with Richard Land on this need without success ... which disappoints me, as I would have expected that a man so committed to the protection of innocent unborn children to also desire to protect innocent born children as well."

Bellevue shows need for change

The report from Bellevue shows that what pastor Steve Gaines called “moral failure” was really minister Paul Williams’ “egregious, perverse sexual activity with his adolescent son over a period of 12 to 18 months.”

PW apparently never sought counseling for his son. That is still another form of parental neglect and abuse. If there had been any true repentance on PW's part, he would have sought counseling for his son so as to try to minimize the damage and lessen the long-lasting harm of sexual abuse. It's as though he ruptured his son's spleen with violence and then left him to slowly bleed out internally rather than taking him for help.

The report notes the staff's practice of keeping sensitive matters secret "to protect the church from embarrassment" and says: "This feeling is not only found in Bellevue Baptist Church but also is prevalent across churches in general." This is true. What happened at Bellevue has happened at churches across the country - and most have greatly fewer resources for dealing with it. It's why SBC leadership MUST step up to the plate and provide congregations with the resources they need to appropriately deal with clergy abuse and to better protect kids. As the report states: "The events relating to the PW issue have vividly brought to light the need for change."

Baptists profess congregational autonomy. Yet, the reality is that, when it comes to clergy sex abuse, congregations are not being given the information they need to make responsible decisions. As at Bellevue, the information is too often kept secret by small groups of ministers and deacons. What's happening in actual practice is not a reflection of congregational autonomy but of the autonomy of small groups of men in positions of power. People in the pews need a resource for obtaining objective independent investigatory assistance when these kinds of allegations are brought forward.

If a church with the sort of human and financial resources that Bellevue has still did such an awful job of handling this, why would anyone imagine that churches with much lesser resources would be capable of handling it any better? They aren't. It's usually even worse. This is why the need for change is so great. National leadership must step up to the plate and establish an office for receiving clergy abuse reports, for independently and professionally investigating clergy abuse reports, and for providing congregations with the information they need to make responsible decisions. [See SNAP’s requests.]

Baptist ministers and misplaced priorities

Lots of Baptist ministers email me. Mostly, their messages are chiding. They tell me that I need to be “nicer,” that I have too much of a “hard edge,” that I need to not be so “judgmental,” that I would “get more flies with honey,” that I need to “listen more,” that I could accomplish more if only I wouldn’t “put people on the defensive,” etc. etc. etc. etc. I also get lots of mini-sermons on forgiveness. At first, some of the messages gave me pause – I’m pathologically prone to self-doubt. But lately, Baptist ministers have so overloaded me with criticism that I was finally able to see the cartoonish quality of it. Thanks guys. You’ve done me a favor.

When so many Baptist ministers choose to focus on instructing an outspoken woman in “niceness” rather than on doing something about clergy child molesters, there are some seriously misplaced priorities in this denomination’s leaders.

Along the same lines, another emailer chose to tell me about the “satanic nature of labyrinths” and praised my childhood church for refusing my request for a labyrinth and meditation garden. Of course, I also proposed a small millstone sculpture as a symbolic gesture of support for clergy abuse victims, and that’s very Biblical, but it was rejected as well. So I don’t think the satanic or Biblical quality of my request had anything to do with the church’s rejection. In any event, whatever one may think of labyrinths, surely the far greater evil rests in the reality of clergy child molesters and of those who turn a blind eye.

Though most Baptist ministers have been critical, a few – including Spiritual Samurai David Montoya - have been genuinely kind and helpful. My heartfelt thanks to them.