My talks with God are sometimes a bit one-sided, and perhaps not as respectful as some might think they should be. It's just that I get pretty tired of all the Baptist excuses and blindness about clergy sex abuse. So lately, my talks with God seem sort of like this."Look God..this just isn’t working, OK? I mean...this makes no sense. For starters, well - geewhiz God - I’m female. These Southern Baptist guys are NOT going to hear anything I’ve got to say. I mean...duhhh...I’m just not the right gender."
"It’s not about them, Christa."
"God...these guys are hostile...really really hostile. Haven’t you noticed? Did you see what Page said about us? Did you see the junk they spewed out in the Baptist Press? And have you seen some of the hateful emails I’ve gotten? This stuff hurts, God, and there’s just no point. You can’t talk to men who are determined not to hear."
"It’s not about them, Christa."
"Look God, this just isn’t the kind of thing I do, OK? I’m not suited for it. I mean, think about it...You need someone who’s extroverted, ultra-assertive, and super-eloquent. That’s not me, and you know it."
"It’s not about you, Christa."
"Well that’s great, God, but whatever this is about, I don’t know what to do or how to do it. It would be really nice if I could have a few more clues. Maybe something specific? How about an instruction manual? Would that be too much to ask? Pardon my sarcasm, OK?"
"Try to get some sleep, Christa."
"Did I mention that I’m not exactly having fun with this?"
"So you say you’re tired and you just wanna close your eyes and follow your dreams now?"
"Very funny, God. So now you’re quoting Springstein? Ha ha ha."
"Try to get some sleep, Christa. There’s more work that needs doing in the morning."
"OK - g’night God....Oh hey...the jasmine blooms are SO profuse this year...the smell is wonderful...thanks a bunch."
"Goodnight, Christa."
Perhaps no one could have felt more inadequate than Moses. He told the Lord that he had never been eloquent, and was slow in speech and tongue. And look how God used Moses! God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things and He will provide the words, strength, courage, ability, and perhaps even other people and resources to accomplish what He wants done. God never ask us for our ability but He does ask for our availability. Thank you, Christa, for making yourself available, for taking a stand against what is wrong, and using all your efforts to make it right.
ReplyDeleteThe Grand Canyon was carved over many many many years, by a river that just kept flowing. It takes years for an oyster to turn a tiny grain of sand into a pearl.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up. Persistance eventually wears away at the grandest mountains. It isn't going to be a fast process and I know the resistance must hurt. But you seem very self-assured and eloquent and educated and passionate, whether you feel that way all the time or not.
You are doing good, probably much more good than you can even imagine. Keep smelling the sweet scent of the jasmine. Keep having the honest conversations with the powers that be - honesty is so much more important than "respect. Keep wearing away at the mountain, bit by tiny bit. I'll pray that someday soon you get to see a big boulder roll, just so you can see that you are making progress.
When you feel alone, just put it on line and set back and let the thousands that appreciate what you are doing tell you so. We both admire and love you for your leadership.
ReplyDeleteChrista you are amazing. I love that you didn't give up in your effort to bring to light what has happened to you. Many others sadly have given up and their stories were squashed - and the offenders continue their evil deeds. God, of course, will not miss what they have done but it is good that Mr. Gilmore is no longer in his former position to do to others what he did to you. Thanks for staying strong and NOT bitter. I never read bitter in all you wrote. Only righteous indignation (not unlike somewone who once cleared the temple).
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