Congregants stand by their man

In early March, I did a posting about Debbie Vasquez and the abuse she suffered at the hands of Dale “Dickie” Amyx, the pastor of Bolivar Baptist Church in Sanger, Texas. (That’s him in the photo.)

A few days ago, “Sharyn” left a comment expressing her support for pastor Amyx. “I will stand by him and his family through thick and thin,” she says.

Because Sharyn’s comment is revealing and few are likely to see it on the old posting, I’m reposting it here.

“How can any of us cast stones on anyone. I believe that none of us know all the facts of this story. I believe yes, the adultery is wrong. Yes, the deceit is wrong. Have anyone of you stopped to think what the family of the accused is going through and what they have gone through before all of this. Ok so some poor judgements were made on his part in his younger years but isn't our walk with God constant learning. Learning from our mistakes and making them right. This is a man who has done nothing but help his community, friends and family for as long as I have known him. To walk with God is to forgive those in our path - that is what we are taught. It is 2008 and who has met someone in this lifetime who has never sinned. We all sin. I believe that when you can look in the mirror and truly believe that you have never sinned, then express your opinion - till then all need to hold their tongues. This is a story that is about a man who not only taught me God's word on Sunday mornings but he has pulled me from darkness many, many times in my life. I will stand by him and his family through thick and thin. As Christians our walk with God is a daily struggle. The devil is around every corner. God's hope is that even though we may sin but learn from that sin. A sin is a sin whether I steal a piece of gum, gossip about my neighbor, or shoo someone in anger. In God's eyes they are all the same and we are taught that all we need to do is ask for forgiveness and it is forgotten. Don't you believe that. I believe that and I believe that he has done that. Let's let everyone please get back to their lives and stop the gossip.”

I’m sure many of you could go through this comment line-by-line, and address the flaws in Sharyn’s thinking. We’ve seen these sorts of minimizations and rationalizations countless times before, haven’t we? All the talk about forgiveness, casting stones, and “sin is sin”… as though any of it could possibly excuse a minister’s sexual abuse of a church kid.

Sharyn’s comment illustrates why Southern Baptists need the resource of a professionally-staffed, independent board to review clergy abuse reports. Congregations CANNOT do this on their own. They are incapable of it. People who love and trust their minister cannot objectively assess whether he has committed sexual abuse.

Even when confronted with extraordinary evidence, congregants typically find ways to mentally minimize the truth. Why? Because they love their minister and because believing in his goodness is fundamental to their own sense of well-being in the world.

What Sharyn sees in Dickie Amyx is “a man who has done nothing but help his community, friends and family for as long as I have known him.” She clings to her memory of “a man who not only taught me God’s word…but…pulled me from darkness many, many times.”

I don’t doubt Sharyn’s memories. Dickie Amyx has probably preached many a good sermon, visited many a sick person in the hospital, stood by the side of many a grieving widow, married many couples, and ministered to others in countless ways. But no amount of good can lessen the harm that is done by the evil of clergy sex abuse.

If a man does good 360 days a year, but molests kids for 5 days a year, do the 360 days outweigh the 5? Of course not. This is not a balance that anyone has the right to strike.

You cannot offset the horrible harm done to a kid when a trusted minister molests her by weighing it against the good that the minister may do in other parts of his life. That scale will not balance. You cannot ignore such terrible evil no matter how much good is stacked up on the other side.

But that is exactly what congregants are inclined to do, and it is why clergy abuse reports must be assessed by persons outside an accused pastor’s congregation.

Finally, for those of you who haven’t followed the Debbie Vasquez story, let me just point out that, contrary to what Sharyn suggests, the evidence against pastor Dickie Amyx went way beyond the level of mere “gossip.” This is a minister who, in sworn testimony, admitted to having sex with Debbie 20 to 40 times but defended his actions by saying “I didn’t have sex with her when she was 16 or under.”

Debbie says the abuse began when she was 14 and that Amyx raped her when she was 15. I believe Debbie, but even if people choose to believe Amyx, it’s wrong to keep a Southern Baptist minister in the pulpit whose only defense against sexual abuse is to say “I didn’t have sex with her when she was 16 or under.” Someone needs to tell those people that. It’s wrong.

As other evidence, Debbie obtained a tape recording of Amyx talking about it and she also has a paternity judgment against Amyx. Yeah… that’s right… she had to go to court to get this so-called man of God, pastor Dickie Amyx, to even support his own kid.

But congregants will almost always find ways to overlook and minimize such evidence. They cannot escape their natural inclination to “stand by their man.” It’s exactly why outsiders must be brought in to assist when allegations of clergy sex abuse are raised.