It's no home run

Outgoing Southern Baptist president Frank Page called the executive committee’s report on sexual abuse “a home run.”

He’s talking about the report where they said the denomination shouldn't create a "database to help churches identify predators or establish an office to field abuse claims.”

And Page calls THAT “a home run”???

Do you think Page has ever played baseball???

Anyone who knows anything about baseball knows that, if you want to hit a home run, you have to first hit the ball. I don’t think these guys can even see the ball, much less hit it. And they sure as heck haven’t hit a homer.

These guys can’t keep their eye on the ball of protecting kids because they’re too focused on protecting themselves and the institution.

In fact, I don’t think these guys have even stepped up to the plate yet. They aren’t going to bat for clergy sex abuse victims. They haven’t even kicked the dirt. They’re still sitting in their comfortable little dugout of “autonomy,” aren’t they?

But hey - I like baseball. So let’s keep talking about it.

Imagine that guy in the outfield. Do you see him? His knees are a little bent. He’s shifting his weight. He’s watching. He’s waiting. He’s got a wad of tobacco bulging in his cheek.

Next thing you know, he’s hocking a loogie onto the grass. It’s a brown, ugly, oozy loogie.

That’s the sort of image Frank Page’s “home run” remark conjures for me.

But hey – don’t hold Page’s remark against baseball. I like baseball.

Some people even think the word “loogie” derived from the name of Lou Gehrig, because of baseball players’ habit of spitting.

Lou Gehrig still holds the all-time record for the most grand slam homeruns. He was “the pride of the Yankees,” and his number 4 was the first number retired by any pro team in any sport.

I wish Lou Gehrig were still around. Maybe he could teach Frank Page a thing or two about what it takes to hit a home run.