One reason abuse victims don't talk

Everyone likes to imagine that they would do the right thing if they knew about a minister accused of child molestation.

But when allegations hit close to home, most people do NOT do the right thing. Even good people.

Baptist pastor Gene Scarborough and Biblical Recorder editor Norman Jameson recently illustrated this reality. I’ve talked about this case before, but I’m going to talk about it again, from a different angle.

In North Carolina, Southern Baptist camp director and former missionary Stephen Carter was indicted on child sex charges. It was reported on WITN-TV and in the Perquimans Weekly. The Associated Baptist Press also reported it, and that article was reprinted in the Biblical Recorder, which is the North Carolina Baptist publication.

I applaud Norman Jameson, editor of the Biblical Recorder, for printing the article. After all, it was only a few years ago that the Illinois Baptist State Association set an ugly precedent by firing its newspaper editor when he decided to publish a story about a pastor charged with child molestation. Though it had already been reported in the secular press, it was apparently news that the high-honchos didn’t think those reading the Baptist newspaper needed to see.

My point is this: I don’t know about the Biblical Recorder, but with at least some Baptist publications, editors may have reason to fear for their jobs when they print news about pastors charged with child molestation. That’s why I’m applauding Jameson.

On the other hand, I think Jameson made a mistake with his personal comments underneath the Biblical Recorder article. They were comments that praised Stephen Carter and that could easily be interpreted as “being supportive” of Carter and as “anticipating a positive outcome.” In fact, that’s exactly how another Biblical Recorder reader interpreted Jameson’s comments, when he wrote to publicly thank Jameson for his words.

Baptist pastor Gene Scarborough is the person who first brought Jameson’s comments to my attention. In essence, Scarborough tried to use Jameson’s comments to convince me that I should remove from the website and blog the news about Stephen Carter’s indictment. Scarborough directed me to the Biblical Recorder. “As you can see," he said, "people who know him are being supportive and this includes our editor who knows him personally.”

I guess Scarborough thought this would sway me. But it didn’t. And I wasn’t swayed by Scarborough’s subsequent emails or by his comments under two of my recent blog postings either. Of course, it didn’t help that Scarborough (1) told me that he had one of North Carolina’s best criminal defense lawyers living right next door to him, (2) talked about lawsuits for “defamation of character” and said he didn’t want me “to run that risk,” and (3) said “It is possible [Carter’s] legal defense could come after you over false accusations which could quickly bankrupt you.”

Suffice it to say that I NEVER appreciate it when someone tries to convince me to remove something from the website or blog by suggesting that I might be sued if I don’t. Brandishing that sort of talk is NOT friendly . . . and it's not the right thing to do.

But here’s how the real damage is done -- the damage done by the words of Jameson, Scarborough, and many others.

When someone like Norman Jameson speaks publicly in a way that seems supportive of an accused perpetrator, it helps to silence any other possible victims. And the very fact that Jameson made such public comments helped to encourage others, such as Scarborough, in their own public support of the accused. And still more people made public comments. Take a look at all the comments under the WITN article.

Can you imagine how all of this looks to the kid who reported Carter to the police?

And what if there were other kids who may have had a fleeting thought about saying something? If it was unlikely they would speak up before, it’s probably a “no way” situation by now.

And can you imagine what the kid’s parents might be thinking? I bet they’re wondering whether they should have just moved away instead of encouraging their kid to talk to the police. I bet they’re wondering how much more wounded their kid will be before it’s all over. I bet they’re wondering how painful it will be if their kid has to testify in a courtroom filled with so many supporters for the accused.

Anticipating the community’s support for the minister is one reason many adolescent abuse victims don’t speak up. For those who do speak up, the community almost invariably proves them right.

It would be different if people wanted to privately express their concern for the accused. Calls, visits, letters and prayers would all be appropriate ways to quietly show care for an accused minister.

But public displays of support for the accused are terribly hurtful for child molestation victims. They’re hurtful not only for any victims in the particular case, but for other victims as well.

Even if this particular Baptist minister is innocent, you can be certain that, somewhere in the same community, there is another kid who is being sexually abused. Perhaps it is a girl being abused by an adult relative. Or perhaps it is a boy being abused by a coach. Or perhaps it's a boy who was abused at 14 and, now that he's 18, he's pondering whether he should say something.

One in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. It’s usually by someone they know and trust. The weight of shame, self-blame, confusion and fear is so enormous and enduring that over 30 percent of them NEVER disclose the experience to ANYONE. Experts say that, of those who do disclose, more than 20 percent eventually recant even though the abuse actually occurred. Why? Often, part of the reason is community pressure. Kids just want things to go back to how they were. After all, once upon a time, it was their community too.

All those other kids are watching. If they see that adults they respect will publicly support an accused perpetrator, they will be less likely to ever report their own victimization. They will be even more scared and even more likely to remain silent, with the result that they will receive no help for the dreadful psychological wounds they have suffered.

It’s easy for people to be blinded by the pain they can see -- the pain of the accused minister and his family. But though it is less visible, the pain of the accuser is every bit as real -- sometimes more so -- and that pain often belongs to a scared and traumatized kid.
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See also my prior postings on the Stephen Carter case, “Knowing him doesn’t yield knowledge” and “Baptist camp director charged with sex crimes.”