Dear Civil Behavior: I’m 53,
a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother and a friend. And I am gay. I was raised in a conservative Southern
Baptist Church in Tennessee, and I had spent a lifetime in hiding and
hating myself because of my sexual orientation. I eventually reached a point
last year when I could no longer deny that I am gay, and I convinced myself
that it would be better for me to die rather than risk bringing shame to my
children and family by telling the truth. I had a plan and the means to carry
out my plan, and I had chosen the date when I planned to commit suicide. Some
things happened to stop me that day, and I eventually told a friend the truth.
Shortly thereafter, I told my children, my extended family and those closest to
me. I write a daily blog, and on Jan. 1, I posted my “coming out” entry. I’ve
lost many friends and a few family members since my admission. And the church where I had been a member
for over 20 years has completely shunned me. But for the first time in my
life, I am being honest with myself and learning to love myself for who I am.
As I continue to interact with people who are not accepting of my sexuality,
what advice would you give me on how to treat them now?
How I wish that Southern Baptist
leaders could look at themselves and be even half so honest as this woman. If only Southern Baptist leaders could recognize the real-world effect of all their
anti-gay actions and rhetoric, the world would be a slightly kinder place.
But of course, I'm always wishing the same thing with respect to their denominational do-nothingness on clergy sex abuse as well . . . if only Southern Baptist leaders could be made to see the human cost of their conduct.
Occasionally, Southern
Baptists may manage to talk the talk of Christian love, but a huge chasm
separates their talk from their deeds. You can read about some examples of Southern Baptists' anti-gay
behavior here.
Make no mistake about it –
Southern Baptists have helped to foster a climate in which anti-gay sentiments
can all too easily fester into anti-gay bullying. And there is nothing loving
or Christian about it.
__________________
Related column: “Would Tyler
Clementi be loved by SBC churches?” EthicsDaily,
10/27/2010.
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